Daily Music


I have been obsessed with this song since I first heard it and I must share it here with you all. Spotify only allows previews now, so please check out the full version if you like what you hear. I can’t get enough. 🙂

I hope you all are doing well. This week is going to be me busting my butt to get ready for Sol Invictus. I finally got the tree organized, now I just need to decorate it. I’m going to be doing some baking this week, with gingerbread men (or “gingerdead” men as my Emilie calls them because we always end up making them into zombies) being the big project to end the weekend. I figure if there’s anything that I miss, I’ll make a list to finish it all off next week. I have to talk to my sister about dinner still. She said that she was making it, but knowing my sister, something will come up and the ball will be thrown back to me. Not that I mind. I enjoy making turkey dinner.

As long as I can get at least a little sleep, I’m hopeful that I’ll get everything done. Autumn hasn’t been too generous with allowing me to sleep. My Emilie is excited and that’s enough for me to get excited and make it a celebration for her, even if it means I’ll be dragging myself around. Not to mention, this is Autumn’s first Sol Invictus, so I need to make it special for her, even if she won’t remember it. I wish the rest of my family cared about it, but it is what it is, I suppose. This haven’t been the same since my mom passed, and it sucks because often times it feels like I’m the only one trying.

I get the last week of December off, between Sol Invictus and New Years, and I am really looking forward to it. I never get time off, and I’m going to take advantage. Catch up on housework, spend some time with my daughters, prepare some witchery for the new years and get caught up on my covenwork. I’m also going to set aside some time to devote to this little space… get some graphics made, some content added, etc. I don’t care if anyone visits this blog, because I keep it for me, but it would be nice for the occasional soul that does visit to have some content to look at.

Anyhow. That’s all from me for now. I will post in the next few days with pictures of what I’m up to. 🙂



Introducing Miss Autumn Rose!

Birthdate: November 13, 2023.

Time of birth: 19h55.

Weight: 6 lbs, 3 oz.

Length: 19 inches.

So, funny story… the “he” that I was told that I was having, the “he” that I prepared for, turned out to be a “she.”

Not that I’m complaining at all, but it was a bit of a shock, LOL.

To start… on Monday, November 13th, I went to my weekly NST (nonstress test) at the hospital. I wasn’t feeling any contractions, I wasn’t feeling any different than usual. I felt pretty good. My Charlie was able to join me this time because he had taken his stat holiday for Monday. While Charlie and I were sipping our coffee, chatting while I was hooked up to the monitor, the nurse came in to check the strip. She did a double-take, and then asked me how I was feeling. I was showing a pattern of contractions, at ten, then four, and then at two minutes. Not feeling anything, I didn’t believe her, and since this wasn’t the first time this pattern had appeared on my NSTs, I didn’t think much of it. At my 34-week NST, the contractions settled after I consumed about 2 L of water, so I figured it would again. The nurse called the doctor however, and when she arrived, after a physical exam, I was given the option… stay on the monitor another hour to see if it settled, or go home and get ready to get my ass to Prince George.

Me being me, and because I was feeling nothing, I elected to do the former. Charlie wasn’t too impressed… the nurses weren’t receptive to anything I was saying and he was getting irritated on my behalf. One of the nurses came up with the idea of giving me a saline bolus to see if that would help, so I had the pleasure of having an IV put it. Which was the worst, because she stabbed the backs of both hands with no success, and she blew up a vein in my right arm before she got it in my left wrist. That was so painful… and two weeks later, the bruises still haven’t gone away.
After another hour, and another physical exam, the contractions I couldn’t feel hadn’t settled. They were showing as stronger on the monitor, so the doctor made the decision that it was too late for me to be driven to Prince George; I had to go by ambulance. Poor Charlie had to run home and quickly get things ready for the hospital and head up to Prince George on his own. The ambulance crew didn’t feel comfortable transporting me via ground, so the air ambulance was organized and I got to be flown on my own private flight to the hospital.

I hate flying. Not a fan, never been a fan, never will be a fan. The ambulance crew was great though; they didn’t give me a hard time when I felt nauseated during turbulence, and they made me as comfortable as they could, which I appreciated. After we landed (the flight was 20 minutes – we were idling on the tarmac longer than we were in the air), I went via ambulance to the hospital, and I was admitted right away into Labour and Delivery. I was met by my obstetrician as I was getting prepped for surgery by the nurses and getting settled in my room, and she explained what was going to happen in the OR.

I will admit, I was still quite in denial at this point. I don’t think it hit me what was about to happen to me until I was sitting on the operating room table holding onto one of the OR nurses while the anesthesiologist was getting ready to give me my spinal. I didn’t have a spinal or epidural when I was in labor with Emilie, and if I could have refused this one, I absolutely would have. Getting that needle put into my spine was one of the most painful things that I’ve ever experienced. I would rather get my jaw reconstructed again, to be honest. It did its job – I didn’t feel a damn thing – but holy crap. The c-section procedure itself happened very quickly. I felt a little dopey, so I don’t remember too much other than the pressure in my abdomen, the blue curtain that kept falling onto my face, and hearing Autumn cry for the first time. They let Charlie cut the umbilical cord, and let him know that we had a girl. After I was stitched up and cleaned up, I was taken to the post-anesthesia recovery room, and Charlie got to take Autumn back to our room in Labour and Delivery.

The nurses in PAR were great. They let me have all of the ice chips and peach-flavored popsicles I wanted. I had to stay there until I started getting feeling back in my legs, which took almost an hour. It sucked, because once the spinal wore off down past my hips and I got feeling back into the guts that had just been sewn back together… “ouch” is all I’m going to say. They let me have a little morphine, which made the pain manageable, and they were surprised with how fast my mobility came back. Once they took me back into the room in Labour and Delivery, I was just over the moon to meet my little girl.

Autumn is almost a carbon copy of her sister, which made me smile. She’s a little bit smaller, a little bit more blonde than ginger (but still ginger), and quieter, but she and Emilie could’ve been twins. I had a few moments of deja vu because the resemblance is just… uncanny. My genes seem to have taken hold the most because the only thing she got from Charlie is his ears, his feet, and his long pianist fingers.

We spent three nights in the hospital, and overall, it was a pretty pleasant stay. The difference between the hospital in Prince George, and my local hospital was pretty notable, but that’s another topic for another day. The most amazing thing was that there was another bed in the room, so Charlie got to stay with me the whole time. The last night I said “fuck it,” and just crawled into bed with him because I can’t seem to sleep without him now and the bed he had was so much more comfy than mine was. We had an amazing team of nurses, and the pediatricians and the OBs who looked after me and Autumn were exceptional. It started to snow when we were on our way home, which was a bit scary (it’s never the nice type of snow – always sleet the first few times), but we made it home safe and sound.

Since we’ve been home, I’ve settled back into working, not sleeping, and being “mom” every other minute I’m awake. Autumn’s sleep seems to vary, and during the night, I maybe get two hours here, twenty minutes there, and a three-hour burst if I’m lucky. Emilie has been an amazing big sister, and I know she’s going to be a great help as Autumn gets older. She expressed an interest in taking her babysitter’s course, and in three more years, she’ll qualify for that.

Overall a good experience, and I’m so happy that Autumn is finally here and I’ve got my little family.



My mood as of late.

So, it took like… six months, but I finally heard back from the obstetricians in Kamloops. They refused my referral, saying that they were at capacity and they couldn’t take me on. They said that the only way they would deliver my baby was if I showed up to the hospital while in labor.

To say that I was rather perturbed is an understatement. My doctor was even more mad than I was. She redirected my referral to the obstetricians in Prince George, to the hospital there. She sent it in on a Friday, and they called me Sunday morning. They want me to come up to Prince George on either November 18th or 19th, and my induction is scheduled for November 20th. I don’t know how long an induction takes – they said it can take as much as an hour, up to three days – so I don’t know how long I’ll be staying.

I’m relieved that there’s finally a plan in place though, and I have some dates to countdown to. I meet with the team in Prince George on November 8th, as a bit of an introduction, and I’m just… so relieved. To have to rip down to Kamloops while in labor was something I was dreading I would have to do and the longer things drug on, this would have been the most likely of scenarios.

Shows just how broken the BC medical system is, though.

I see my doctor again tomorrow (because Friday the 13th – why not), so hopefully they have sent more details to her for us to discuss.

The baby’s room is almost complete. All the furniture has been built and what not. I just have to do another vacuuming, and to start filling up the room. I haven’t bought too many toys yet, but I’m going to invest in a toy box, and I still need to fill up the change table with diapers and wipes, etc. I’m going to hold off on setting up the bedding in the crib until it’s closer to the time of baby’s arrival… I don’t want to run the risk of my cats somehow ninja-ing their way in and making the crib a napping spot. They’ll be more discouraged to do so if there’s nothing soft for them to lay on.

I’m so happy that tomorrow is Friday. This week has been utterly exhausting, and all I want to do is spend time with my Charlie and bomb around the house. My coven is doing a pretty big ritual in the next coming weeks, right before Samhain, so I also need to start preparing for that. We’re going to be going pretty heavy into the shadow work this fall and going into the winter, which is something I thoroughly need.