Something I have struggled with my entire life is my weight. I’ve gone back and forth between denial and acceptance of my problem since it first occurred to me that I was bigger than my other female classmates.

The thing is… I never really change anything. I know that I have an issue, but I don’t really do anything about it. Or I will start something, stick with it a few days, and then abandon it. Whether it’s a diet, an exercise program, or just committing to eating less, I never stick with it. Why? I’ve never really understood that. I guess it’s just easier to engage in poor behaviour, to go back to what’s easy and not “do the thing” so-to-speak. It’s easier for me to go to McDonald’s than it is to cook a good, healthy meal at home.

The longest I’ve ever engaged with a program was in 2017, or 2018, when I signed up for a keto program that was being offered through my then doctor’s office. I didn’t have to think about it – I bought all of my food through the program and the only thing I had to buy was low glycemic veggies. I think that’s why I stuck with it for the three months that I did, because I just followed the guidelines from my coach and I didn’t have to think about it. I ended up losing over 50 lbs in those three months, but I ended up getting so sick that I had to stop.

What my coach left out in the explanation of ketosis is that it completely suppresses your hunger. The longer I was in the ketotic state, the less hungry I was and the more I had to force myself to eat. It got so bad that anytime I put food in my mouth, or even thought about eating, I became extremely nauseated. The weight loss was nice, but the nausea was not worth it. I experienced similar symptoms in 2020, when I tried Saxenda (sibling of Ozempic). I lost 9 lbs on that, but the nausea just wasn’t worth it.

When I entered my 30s, I promised myself that by the time I saw 40, I was going to be at a healthy body weight. Whether that was attained through bariatric surgery, through exercise and diet, or both, I was going to be a healthy weight at 40. The sun will be rising for me on the big 3-6 soon, and I’ve had to come to the realization that I’ve only been taking half-measures towards my goal. I was referred to a weight loss program, which I have been working in, but I haven’t been doing as well as I could be, you know? I’m not doing as much as I can do.

I like to avoid the “new year, new me” stuff, because that’s never worked out for me. Instead of resolutions and whatnot, I’ve decided to just refocus on my goal. At some point this year, I should be able to attend my bariatric preparedness course through my program for my surgery (depends where I fall on the waitlist), but in the meantime I’ve decided to try the Optifast program that they offer. The basic gist of the program is that I am on a liquid meal replacement, four times a day. No food, just the meal replacement. Plus water, black coffee or herbal tea if I want. I finally got my medical clearance from my obesity doctor (they have to clear you because this program isn’t suitable for people with certain comorbidities), and my shakes arrived, so I’ve been slowly integrating them into my day. My program facilitator said I can start with two a day, and then a low calorie dinner, which is what I’ve been doing for this last week.

So far, I’ve lost 5 lbs. My only complaint about the shakes is that the fiber in them seems to suck all the moisture out of my body. I have to be sipping on water all day, otherwise I get so thirsty that I get headaches and cottonmouth. I’m going to continue with it, because I’m fully satiated after my shake, I’m not experiencing a lot of cravings, and I’m not nauseated. I’m going to be posting my weigh-in numbers here, to keep accountable. I’m weighing myself every Monday morning, and this was yesterday’s numbers.

Starting weight: 304.6 lbs
Current weight: 299.6 lbs
Week 01 Loss: 5.0 lbs

So far, so good. 🙂 I’m expecting a higher loss this week, because I’m moving to the four shakes per day. I’m so happy to be out of the 300’s.

While on this plan, I’m going to be studying my nutrition, my portions and the proper plating method. I’m going to be moving to a more whole-foods, mostly plant based diet once I complete this run (a cycle of Optifast is for three months) and see how I do.