Life has been life-ing, let me tell you.

With Kirby’s passing in May, I had to give myself space and time to grieve. Which, of course, is when things started getting crazy at work (and it still hasn’t stopped).

I admit now that I fell off. Everything else kind of took a backseat. On my days off, I found myself bedrotting more than anything. Not the most productive of things to do, but I couldn’t seem to get myself out of the funk. Took me a minute, but I finally was like, “Hey, maybe I’m depressed?”

Turns out, acknowledging The Thing helped me deal with The Thing. The last few weeks, I’ve been feeling much better. I’ve been doing a lot of talking, lots of writing, pulling cards, and making plans. Samhain was peaceful, and I’m looking forward to Yule with a renewed vigour. I am bound and determined to get my course finished, finally get my transcription certificate and look for a side hustle.

In October, I got to do something amazing, courtesy of my sister. She surprised me with tickets to see Lorna Shore. My Charlie and I got to go, and the entire experience was amazing. I filmed their set because my oldest couldn’t come, and she’s in love with Will Ramos. Here is the video:

Shadow of Intent and The Black Dahlia Murder also performed, and were incredible. It rained in Vancouver the entire time that we were there, but we did manage to fit in a trip to the Aquarium, and I got to spend time with the jellyfish. I didn’t get to see the otters too much because of the rain, but I did get some nice photos and videos, which I may share at some point.

It was nice to get out of town, despite the weather and Google Maps sending us on a weird route down there through Whistler. I hadn’t gone through Whistler since early high school. It was weird to see Whistler without the blanket of snow I’m familiar with.

Speaking of snow… I hope the snow shows up soon. I’d hate to have a brown Yule like last year. This is Canada, for Ba’al’s sake. No snow for Yule makes no sense, and I get depressed if I think about it too hard. Some of my friends on Facebook have been posting pictures of their first snowfalls, and it’s making me jealous.

Anyhow. I’m all over the place today. And it’s my bedtime. Feels good to be back in the swing of things a bit.

I have been absent.

I lost my cat, my best friend and familiar, Kirby, at the beginning of this month. He started getting sick in April, and he unfortunately succumbed to his illness on May 4th. I’ve been struggling a bit since then.

I got Kirby when I moved out of my parents’ house at 18. He was my little friend, so that I wouldn’t be alone when my boyfriend at the time and my roommates were at work. I remember walking into the SPCA kitten room, and he was the only kitten that was so happy to see me, and when he approached me, I knew I would love him with everything I have for all the time we were blessed to have together.

Nineteen beautiful years.

The crying has stopped, but I still wake up in the middle of the night and panic because I cannot feel him curled up behind my knees (which he always loved to sleep behind because then I was stuck and couldn’t move for the night – bless him, LOL).

I’m 90% sure it was a mixture of old age and cancer. All I could do was make him comfortable and loved at the end, because I wasn’t able to get him into the vet before he passed. We were having a quiet night at home, relaxing in the bedroom. He shuddered a little, exhaled, and then didn’t breathe again.

I miss him. Which is understatement of the fucking year. Pickle Rick avoided the bedroom for the last few days of Kirby’s life… I don’t think he was able to deal with what was going on. It’s been over 2 weeks now, and Pickle Rick is just now starting to come back into the bedroom and cuddle or spend time. He’s never been by himself in his life; he’s always been with Kirby, but I’m just glad that he seems to be adjusting okay, and he’s coming around.

My oldest came to me and asked about possibly getting Pickle Rick a new friend, but I’ve put that possibility to the side for now. Maybe in the future, but not now. The grief is still too much and I just miss my boy.